At different points in life, we all face decisions that shape our future.

I’ve come to recognise how much I long for certainty during these times, how my brain tries to figure out all the different iterations, and how easily all of the decision-making creates inner turmoil. As I’ve reflected, I’ve noticed a number of interesting dynamics within me in those moments.

Here are four ways that can help you navigate decision-making with more clarity and peace.


Identify the pressures

If you’re feeling anxious or unable to make a decision easily, it’s likely there are a number of complex desires, pressures, and expectations that you are holding. Some of these will have been with you since childhood, which were formed through the influence of your family, educational experience, and peer relationships.

For example, I’ve been learning that one factor for me is that I feel that I must always make the right moral decision, which was something imparted to me from a young age. This can serve me well, but I can feel a large degree of stress when making a decision when there’s no obvious ‘right’ answer.

We can make decisions about so much in our lives, such as which team to serve on at church, our career, or how to parent our children, based on what we perceive others expect of us.

“Fear of man is making choices for your life based on what other people think or do.” Rachel Cruze (Know Yourself, Know Your Money)

Do I want to do this, or do I feel I have to because… I have to do this to be a good Christian, I have to do this to be a good partner, I have to do this to be a good [fill in the blank], and if I don’t, then that means I’m a terrible x, y, or z. The shame of not living up to an unspoken expectation is a poor motivator for decision-making.

Taking time to identify these pressures will at least give you more information about why you feel the way you do about the decision-making process and help you to take a step back to evaluate the decision more objectively.

If you’d like to explore this internal dynamic further, have a look at the conditions of worth.


Listen to your gut

I am really good at talking myself into something; I can logically argue why one decision is better than another. But if I’m trying to talk myself into something, I should pause and ask why I’m trying to do that? It is often because, deep down, I know the answer is not the one I want to admit to myself.

It is important to listen to your gut. This is the core of our being, where our values and beliefs sit.

I have often discerned something in my gut before I have properly engaged my thinking. When my thinking kicks in, I can start second-guessing myself and overthinking my decisions even though if I was honest with myself I know what decision I feel right to make.

“While we may use logic to reason ourselves toward a decision, the actual decision-making is governed by emotion.” Chris Voss (Never Split the Difference)

It can be tricky to trust our gut. It requires us to be honest with ourselves, and that can be uncomfortable, especially when it tells us the opposite of what we think we want, like telling us to stop pursuing a relationship or job opportunity we want.

The more honest you can be about your deeper fears, thoughts and feelings associated with the decision, the more clarity you are likely to gain about the decision.

What is your honest gut feeling? Sometimes we might even lie to ourselves… so it’s worth asking yourself that question a few times.

Can your gut be wrong? Absolutely. But at least don’t ignore it; if you do, then you are likely to feel unsettled and uneasy about the decision you’re making.

Also, I feel that this point about trusting our gut comes with a slight caveat. As a follower of Jesus, I see the Bible as the highest authority in my life. Therefore, if my gut is telling me to do the opposite of what’s clear in scripture, I think that highlights an area where God wants to work in me.

Getting advice and input can help make wise decisions, but it can add an additional layer of emotional complexity, especially if you struggle with some of the pressures in the first part. Other people can have your best interests at heart when they offer advice or encouragement in a certain direction. Yet, you are the only one who can make your decisions. That can be a little scary, especially when it’s a big decision, and I sometimes wish someone else could make the decision for me. It takes courage to listen to your gut.


Note the consequences

When the crowds were following Jesus, He shared the importance of weighing up this decision:

“For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:28-33

There are real consequences to making decisions.

When you’re making a decision, and you say yes to something, then it is likely to mean you’re saying no to the other options. There have been times when I have experienced decision paralysis because I don’t want to miss out on the other options. The FOMO is real.

If you are taking on additional responsibilities, this can be an exciting opportunity to develop and grow as a person, but there is a limit to your time and energy; therefore, it may affect your capacity for other things. Don’t fear the consequences, but be aware of them and decide accordingly.


Lean into grace

“To err is human…” Alexander Pope

You will make mistakes. That is okay.

I catastrophise in my head, thinking the worst possible scenario is guaranteed to happen when I make a decision. But, in reality, most decisions, even big ones such as choosing a job or buying a home, are not so permanent that there is no hope of change if you make the wrong decision. So, yes, as discussed above, there are consequences. Try not to rush the big decisions, but don’t get stuck in fear and indecision out of worry about making the wrong decision.

“What’s holding me back? Is it a lack of information or fear of making a mistake? Put some boundaries around the need for more information and the desire for absolute certainty.” Henry Cloud (Boundaries for Leaders)

Lean into God’s grace that is bigger than any mistake, wrong decision, or sin.

You will not always have complete certainty. You will need to take steps of faith, but as you do so, trust that God has enough grace to see you through the decisions you get right and wrong.

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Do any of these steps help you when making decisions? How do you navigate the tricky waters of decision-making? Please do leave a comment below.

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Thank you very much for reading. If you found this encouraging and helpful, please share it with friends and followers. I’d love to hear from you — leave a comment with your reflections or questions.

Dan :)

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Further reading


– When People Are Big and God Is Small by Edward Welch